Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Difference Between A Hobby vs An Obsession

I belong to a few entrepreneur and creative groups who consistently cite the greats of business and leadership as examples to follow in being successful and living with joy.

You know the names: Oprah, Jobs, Blake Mycoskie (TOMS Founder), Branson, Martha Stewart, Carolina Herrera, Sara Blakely.

So what does that mean for people who have not discovered their purpose yet or who don't know whether their purpose in life is to be great?

First of all, let me tell you this loud and clear: WE ARE ALL MEANT TO BE GREAT

Does that mean that your own greatness will be at the level of Oprah?  Maybe not.  But if you want any chance at making a great impact on this world and live a life you believe is according to your purpose, you have to shift your mindset and look at the pursuit of your purpose as an obsession.

Hobby vs Obsession
One thing most psychologists all agree on is that when you give people too many choices, it creates a paralysis in their ability to make a decision.  This is especially true in our current environment where any and all information is at the touch of a few keystrokes on our iPhone and Googling it.

Whatever happened to a world where people would spend their lifetimes perfecting a single, worthy vocation, goal or charity work that was their life's passion?

Whatever happened to people who focused so intensely on a goal that some people called them mad but they ended up being the history makers that thrust humanity forward (think Einstein, Michelangelo, Thomas Edison, Harriet Tubman)?

What has happened to our ability to focus without that negative self-talk telling us that if we don't do a whole bunch of things, we're going to "miss out" on something important?

What happened to children focusing on an afterschool activity or play whereas you could see their gifting and it would make you cry?

Here's the difference: A hobby is something you enjoy where you explore, venture and stay open to discovery.  You can get really good at a hobby and even be highlight complimented on it but when it comes to getting great at something...that's rooted in obsession.

An obsession is when you make a choice about what "pulls" you toward a vision that has yet to be created...what's even better is when that vision will help and equip humanity. (Note: an obsession can start from a hobby but as Geoff Calvin writes in "Talent is Overrated", you will know when a hobby becomes an obsession because you will make a conscientious choice to do "deliberate practice" to be great at it.)

 Why We Don't Obsess
I really believe the main reason we don't choose our life's obsession is because of the following:
  • Information Overload:  as I mentioned, psychologists have done many studies that has helped them conclude that information overload leads to your brain not being able to choose it's preference.  For example, one study was conducted in a grocery store where they were giving sample of ten different new jams and asked shoppers to select their favorites to purchase.  Due to so many choices, the shoppers couldn't decide.  They then gave out three new jam samples and in nine out of 10 scenarios, the shoppers made a selection and ended up purchasing the jam of their choice.
    • Lesson Learned:  Forcibly limit the information you follow, read and view and stick with it.  For example, if you know that Tony Robbins is your preferred choice of motivational speakers because you have had repeated positive results following his programs, then don't then go and listen in on 10 other motivational speakers operating in that genre.  Choose and block out all other influences!
  • Fear:  this might strike you as a surprise but fear is really at the root of why we don't have an obsession towards something that is meaningful to us.  Why? Because our minds tell us that by choosing, we could be missing out on something really important to us.  And guess what, you are correct.  Yep, by choosing, you have the potential to be missing out something else.  That's where your friends and network can come in though.  We all have varied interests and so the best way to balance out the fear of missing out is to network, have dinner with and befriend someone who is obsessed about the choice you didn't make.
    • Lesson Learned: you are not meant to do it all by yourself.  Let your support system balance out the areas where you can't dedicate time and energies to and see that activity and world through their eyes! It's fun that way!
  • Busy-ness vs Effectiveness:  our current world convinces us that the more busy we are, the more we're getting things done.  I disagree.  People use buys-ness almost like a badge of honor when in fact, I have seen people live quiet lives of desperation because they feel pressure to "do it all".  You can live your whole life being busy but not really making your greatest impact because you haven't disciplined yourself to focus on what's the MOST important to you.
    • Lesson Learned:  disciplining yourself to focus on areas that can maximize your greatest potential is the best way I know to live a life of satisfaction, love, joy and with peace.  That doesn't mean that you will busy but it will lead to a greater level of effectiveness in what you do decide to focus and commit to.
Let me know what you think of how a hobby versus an obsession has helped or hindered your ability to be of your greatest service to humanity...also, would you add anything else?

Let me know...

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Saturday, February 21, 2015

Freebie Saturday with Julep!

I LOVE Julep and saw this limited time introductory offer ($24.99 value)! 

Get this FREE introductory 4-piece gift set from Julep by clicking HERE and use code DEFROST.

Have fun!

Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Power of Exponential Living (Recap)

Tonight I attended a great call hosted by Steve Harvey called "The Power of Exponential Living".  The call was led by speakers Sheri Riley and facilitated by Doreen Rainey.

The call was focused on discussing how powerful it is to know your purpose, your gift and what you want to do.  However, if you aren't living that out, it can be frustrating and lead to a lack of fulfillment.

That's where Exponential Living comes's the process of moving from knowing what you want to do - to doing what you want to do.

That was the topic of the night and here's a recap just for you:

 Exponential Defined: (of an increase) becoming more and more rapid

My background is as the Director of Marketing for LaFace Records (for R&B legend Babyface). I was traveling, living a big life with celebrities and an unlimited expense account...but I was miserable.

I knew how to pursue success but I didn't know how to live with it.

Dreams don't become realized without a process...the process is intended to teach you to LIVE YOUR POWER.

Most people have dreams but don't have visions.  What's the difference?
  • Dreams are those big picture things 
  • Vision is when you nail it down; what are the steps; the reality of the pursuit
You have to make the focus: "I want to serve in the highest capacity of my talents and giftings"
I am not talking about a to-do list....focus is what can I take off of my list. Ask yourself, "What are my 2, 3 or 4 best power steps?" and make that your list of focus.
Focus on consistency to get you through the 'No's' as you pursue your vision.

Living the Vision
What was difficult for people to understand when I resigned from LaFace Records is that I recognized my career success was leading me further towards my Plan B and taking me further from my Plan A.  My Plan A was to get married and have a family.  My Plan B was to excel in my career. Plan A comes before Plan B.

Our mistake is that we never re-visit what are our priorities.  At one time in my life, Plan B was my priority but I never went back to assess whether that was still my truth.  If I had stayed at the record label, I would continue to feel stuck because my Plan A was not getting done.

Never let your Plan B take the place of Plan A.  Sometimes you have to "give up" to "go up".

Takes Courage
It takes courage to live your vision.  It takes courage to leave old friends. It take courage to seek other opportunities.  It takes courage to change gears.

How do you get through this hard part?  Recognize the difference between confidence vs drive.  
  • Confidence allows your vulnerability to create (real) strength to step up.  Confidence says: "No matter what happens, as I pursue my vision, I'll BE OKAY!  I know this is the BEST for me."
  • Drive is protective strength that is not rooted in your vulnerability.  
To succeed at your goals, you can't have one foot rooted in Plan A and one foot rooted in Plan B.  You have to decide. 
What is Exponential Living?
  1. Pursuit of Peace
  2. Choosing Clarity
  3. Living Courageously
Pursuing titles, seeking validation, etc. is not going to get you to exponential have to face the truth about yourself.
Homework to get you to Exponential Living
Ask yourself this question:  What are the five things you value most?
  • Now write down how much time you spend per week on each one of those five things? 
We have to constantly check on ourselves of whether we are aligning our priorities with where we spend time.
When you are clear about your five top priorities, it will better help you make courageous choices about your life.  You will be clear. You can't serve others from fumes. You can only effectively serve others from your fuel (overflow). Be clear on your priorities to serve from you fuel.
What do you see yourself doing and being this time next year?
  • What do you need to focus on?
    • Where do you need to stop going?
    • What do you need to stop doing (stop trying to do everything)?
    • Sheri Riley
    •  What is causing you to keep going in circles?
Kill your distractions: it's not about adding to your list, it's about subtracting from your list.

What do you need to implement?

How are you going to ensure you stay consistent?


No matter how big your vision is, you have to stair step your way to your success. 

Final Thought:  Stop spending 100% of your time on 10% of who you are.

You can catch Steve Harvey, Doreen Rainey, and Sheri Riley at Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Success Conference" March 6th-8th, 2015 in Washington, D.C. or catch it live streamed.


A Key to Happiness: What Do You See?

How to Create Your Reality with Perception
Perception is a very interesting subject. "How" and "what" you see is a very crucial element in the fabrication of your reality.  With a slight tweak of your expectations yuo have the ability to see what you desire. 

Take this image for example: What did you see first?

Was it the white vase or a silhouette of two faces?

Isn't it interesting how it's only when you're told that it is one or the other that you begin to actually see it?

These same principles apply to your everyday life.

Psychiatrists exercise the use of ink blots in order to understand what goes on in their clients subconscious mind.  Why this method is often effective is because what your mind is mostly comprised of is what your perception will output.

As we've mentioned before, what lies within your subconscious mind is an indicator of what is active within your vibration.  In other words, your most frequent thoughts and beliefs forms your reality.  The more those thoughts begin to reside deeper within your mind, the more you will eventually reflect and manifest it into your life.

Now, because that which is in your subconscious effects your perception (and perspective), it's a pretty good idea to note what you notice in your surroundings most often. 
  • Are you someone that see's opportunity in the midst of adversity or do you simply see despair?
  • Do you happen to check your bank account ONLY when the balance is low?
  • Do you happen to see cards on the road of only the type of car that you have your eyes set on?
  • Do you always happen to find things online that reinforce your current business plan or do you find things that oppose it?
If you want to know what's active in your subconscious, start monitoring what you notice most often.  You see mostly in your life the things you WANT to see, and what you want to see eventually becomes your reality.

Start today by affirming the opposite of the negatives you see most often. 

Low account balance? Rubbish - I always have tons of money in the bank!

My business plan might not be successful? Lies! I always come up with plans that bring about great success.

Feel never going to get promotion amongst two other male colleagues? Contradict that lie! You are more than capable to be the one that gets promoted and leads your team.

Remember, your life is yours to see, and soon your visions will come to be!

Guest Post by Minding Her Business

Minding Her Business is a great group I discovered that is geared towards women that provides "motivational tips on how to enrich your life, business tips, and special offers."