The Orange & What's Inside You

Like everyone around the world, I am saddened by the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer. To many, his legacy is not based on riches or celebrity...his legacy is based on sharing the many quotes, books, lectures and audios that changed the lives of people around the world. So numerous that it could never be calculated...

In tribute, I wanted to share one of his great story exampolkes that is consistent with Dyer's ability to teach a profound principle in the most simplest of terms. It is the story of The Orange...

"The Orange" as told by Dyer:
I was preparing to speak at an "I Can Do It" conference and I decided to bring an orange on stage as a prop for a lecture. I opened a conversation with a bright young fellow of about twelve who was sitting in the front row.

"If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?" I asked him.

He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Juice of course."

"Do you think Apple juice could come out of it?"

"No!" he laughed.

"What about grapefruit juice?"

"No!"

"What would come out of it?"

"Orange juice, of course."

"Why? Why when you squeeze an orange does orange juice come out?"

He may have been getting a little exasperated with me at this point.

"Well, it's an orange and that's what's inside."

I nodded. "Let's assume that this orange isn't an orange, but it's you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don't like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that's inside."

It's one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts  or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it's because that's what's inside. It doesn't matter who does the squeezing--your mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don't like, what comes out of you is what's inside.

And what's inside is up to you, it's your choice.

When someone puts pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it's because that's what you've allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don't want in your life and replace them with love, you'll find yourself living a highly functioning life.

Dr. Wayne Dyer will be so missed but I believe, as a famous fablke says, Dyer can live forever because people live as long as their legacy lives...may Dr. Wayne Dyet's legacy live forever and continue to impact the lives of people around the world.

BLOG UPDATE: Through the generosity of Dr. Wayne Dyetr's family, you can watch his groundbreaking movie "The Shift" for the next 7 days! Here's the link: http://www.drwaynedyer.com/the-shift-movie

#FierceFriday: NYFW Africa

I had a New York fashion friend send me an invitation to a New York Fashion Week Africa event....while I can't attend, I thought their advertisement deserved recognition for #FierceFriday!

Dump Frenemies...You Deserve #SissyFriends!

I've wanted to make this post for a while but for some reason that I can't explain, I've held back.

So here goes: one of the worst words I've EVER heard in all my years of living is the word "Frenemies"...WTH?

What is a frenemy? Where did it originate? And more importantly, WHY are women repeating it in homes, in media, amongst their friends, etc?

Do we really have such low value of the love and support we need and deserve that we're willing to accept Frenemies in our lives?

Excuse me but that's BULL....!!!

My take and belief in the power of great girlfriends who come with unconditional support stems from my observation as a kid of the women in our small family church:

• who would grieve for weeks (sometimes months) with women who lost husbands/children, 
• who would lend money for new businesses/go back to college/pay a monthly mortgage note, 
• who would feed the neighborhood children during mass layoffs, 
• who would talk another from the "ledge" when they wanted to give up the most, 
• who would pray for healing while also showing up at the hospital room...you get the idea.

Our great country and world was literally built on women banning together during some of the most toughest times in our world's history...wars, economic downturns, spiritual lows, confusion. Women, no matter what the history books choose to showcase or not, always stood as the backbone towards recovery, healing and reconciliation.

So the idea of a Frenemy is so beyond my comprehension I don't even know where to begin!

So, I'm proposing that we completely re-engineer what media, movies or entertainment wants to tell us about our bond...let the new dialogue be about highlighting your positive influences and relationships with your "Sissy Friends".

Sissy Friends are not acquaintances, Facebook friends, casual friendships, etc. No. Sissy Friends are those special women who have proven through deeds that their unconditional support is not contingent or superficial.

Your Sissy Friends can be related to you or not related to you...the key is its someone who you can say has earned that special designation in your heart and life!

And be clear about who those people are and treat them more special than your casual friendships and acquaintances... This is something I have had to grow in. I love people and have sometimes treated all my friendships on an equal platform. The non-Sissy Friends I treated special was mostly due to my own insecurity of subconsciously thinking I could eventually make them see how special I was...wrong!!!

And lastly, before I wrote this post, I sat back and asked myself if I had a Frenemy... I took off the "eyes" of my innocent, naive youth and did a grown woman's sincere ask.

Guess what, there is a Frenemy that I have ignored a gut feeling about. Writing this post in vulnerable honesty has forced me to face my gut's wisdom. Don't get me wrong, you will have casual acquaintances that are Frenemies, just be clear about that and don't treat them as special by revealing your heart, goals, fears, and weaknesses to...those things are reserved for your reciprocal relationship with your Sissy Friend...and that's the good stuff!!!

Declare on this day that you will completely eradicate the word Frenemy from your vocabulary and be more communicative of your Sissy Friend relationships (or any fellow woman who does an above and beyond deed, even if it's one time).

It's the Curva-Lish way...

Exclusive: New India Hicks Fall Collection Unveiled!

Today marked an empowering day for all India Hicks Style Ambassadors across the country! The always chic and elegant India Hicks graciously and nervously with abundant excitement shared the new Fall pieces of her India Hicks Style company.

As I previously wrote about, I became a Style Ambassador with Hick's startup company because I so identified with what it means to strive for authentic reinvention, to do it with Style and to empower other women along the journey...it is so complimentary and consistent with the mission of Curva-Lish!

It is not too late to join us on this FUN adventure to #LiveExtraordinary (the India Hicks company mantra) by becoming a Style Ambassador, shop the current collection at www.IndiaHicks.com/rep/CurvaLishStyle and/or email me at curvalish@gmail.com!

Here's your exclusive Preview of the Fall Collection launching September 1st!:

The New Fall Catalogue

Let's all be and #LiveExtraordinary together!!!

Stop Hiding...Learn to Shine!

This post was originally featured at AliciaKeys.com. It was so moving to me I wanted to share it here:

For as long as I can remember, I’ve hidden myself. It might have started in school when I realized that I caught on to things a little quicker, and teachers started to show slight favor to me, or use me as an example. I remember feeling like my friends would make fun of me or look at me as if I was different from them and so… I started hiding. Not intentionally, I didn’t mean to, but I did. Little pieces at a time.

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I definitely started hiding when I got old enough to walk down my NY streets alone. I started to notice a drastic difference in how men would relate to me if I had on jeans, or if I had on a skirt, or if my hair was done pretty. I could tell the difference, I could feel the animal instinct in them and it scared me. I didn’t want to be talked to in that way, looked at in that way, whistled after, followed. And so I started hiding. 

I remember feeling that same way when I first started to get recognized as an artist. I had the baggy/braided/tough NY tomboy thing mastered, that was who I was (or who I chose to be) and I felt good there. Then, because of the way I spoke or carried myself, people started calling me gay and hard and I wasn’t gay, but I was hard and although I felt comfortable there, it made me uncomfortable that people were judging me and so slowly I hid that side of myself. 

I remember one interview I gave had strong social thoughts from a book I just read. The writer misunderstood me and wrote something that I didn’t say. I felt judged by those reading it. Out came the shell again and me under it. Hiding, piece by piece. Little by little. More and more.

I became comfortable hiding, my intelligence, my physical appearance, my truths, my thoughts, myself.

To this day, every time I get out of the shower to get dressed, I swear the first thought that comes into my head is, what can I wear that won’t cause too much attention when I go pick up Egy, or head to the store, or go shopping, or visit a friend etc.

And just the other day it hit me! OMG! Alicia!!! Why are you choosing to be that person?? That is so old and outdated!! STOP!!
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You are allowed to be smart
You are allowed to be beautiful
You are allowed to be radical and have strong thoughts that others might not agree with
You are allowed to be tough
You are allowed to be sexy
You are allowed to be bold
You are allowed to be shapely
You are allowed to be kind
You are allowed to be yourself!!

And guess what!?? I can be all these things all at the same time. I don’t have to give up one to be the other. I don’t have to hide anymore, I don’t have to pretend and hold back, I don’t have to think that my intelligence, beauty and sensuality are intimidating to others. Who cares??!!! I don’t have to think my silliness, clumsiness, or hallmark card optimism, is something I can’t be proud of! Who cares????!!!!

I don’t have to try to go unnoticed
I don’t have to fit in
I don’t have to close up my thoughts and only speak my truth through songs!

I can speak it everyday
Live it everyday
Be it everyday
Dress it everyday
Show it everyday
Grow it everyday!!!

I only got 28,000 of those days. So what the FUCK am I waiting for??

And dammit that’s what I’m doing!!!!

-AK

I was so moved by what Keys said because I have had a similar experience and I'm 40 years old! I first started Hiding in similar fashion: a teacher noticed how quickly I was learning and when she started favoring me, I started getting incessantly teased, picked on and excluded. Even in corporate America I learned how to shrink and hide my smarts because I worked mostly with Caucasian men.

What if every woman stopped hiding and allowed her light to shine?

I really believe it would change the world...let your light shine!!!